Broken and defeated
by karlasfriskole
Summary: an alternative to the events after Finn's death. Mostly sad Bellarke ( rated M for violent scenes). it is a one-shot, but a long one. please review!


Clarke turned around and the knife dropped to the ground. She had killed him. Finn was dead.

The mortifying scream from girl tore the night apart, but Clarke couldn't feel but guilt. All other emotion had been erased from her.

With shaking legs, she started walking away from the scene. The sound of Raven screaming and crying had a muffled sound in her ears, and a ringing tone was driving her crazy.

When she reached the gates back to camp Jaha, she felt a hand brush against her arm, and looked up. it was her mom. "no mom. Just - just leave me alone " she whispered. Then she ran. As fast as she could she turned around, and ran back out of camp. There was a male voice calling for her, but she pushed it aside.

The wind hit her face like a whip and made her eyes water, but she didn't stop. Clarke didn't really know where she was going, but it didn't matter. All that mattered was getting far away from camp and from Finn. She felt the guilt and sorrow burn through her, eating her up from the inside.

All out of a sudden, she just collapsed on the ground. Her legs were shaking uncontrollably, and tears were running down her face.

She couldn't hold in the emotions anymore, and she screamed a long, sad scream. It was just sound, no words, but there were none needed. It said it all: how sad and angry and guilty she was. How much she hated herself for doing what she had did. How hopeless she was.

Clarke was crying uncontrollably now, and the cold night was sneaking in on her. But she didn't notice it.

She put her back against a tree, and sat there with her knees pulled up against her chest. And there she sat for what felt like a few minutes, but in reality it was multiple hours.

Bellamy had been shocked. All out of sudden, Finn's head had just rolled down on his chest, and he had stopped breathing. Then a sharp, shiny thing dropped out of Clarke's hand, and it hit him. She had given him a merciful death. Suddenly, Raven collapsed beside him, and he cached her in a swift motion. She screamed and cried, but all he could focus on was Clarke. She looked completely broken, in a different way than Raven. Raven was letting out her pain through sound and violence, but Clarke looked like someone who was about to kill herself, and that scared him. he saw her walk back towards the camp, but when Abby tried to talk to her, a frantic look lit up her eyes, and she ran out of camp. He yelled for her, but she didn't react.

Bellamy had enough to do calming down Raven. After a few hours, he walked out of her tent after finally had gotten the mourning girl to fall asleep. Outside he shook himself. It was cold, really cold. Suddenly, he was almost attacked by Abby who had worried glowing out of her eyes. "Abby, what's wrong?" he asked her. She looked like she fought to get out the words. "I can't find her Bellamy. I can't find Clarke. She haven't returned yet, and I'm afraid something might have happened to her." He froze. She weren't back yet? That was seriously bad. "what do you mean she isn't back? Abby, what is happening." He asked the older woman. "she is gone Bellamy. Kane, Jackson and Lincoln have already been out searching for her, but they couldn't find her." Then Abby started crying, but Bellamy didn't even see it. he just turned around, grabbed a flashlight and ran towards the woods. Down on the ground, the forest was close and dark at night, and autumn was coming, so the nights were cold.

Bellamy stopped for a little, thinking about where she could have gone. Then it hit him. the dropship. He ran all that he could, and when he reached the old ship he yelled her name. the came no answer. Then he heard the quiet sound of crying. And walked towards the sound.

And there she was. On the ground, almost unconscious from the cold, leaning against a tree. "Oh my god Clarke, what are you doing here." He murmured as he picked her up into his arms. She whimpered, and he saw that she had cut her leg. He swore, and made a quick decision: they were going to stay in the dropship. There he could treat her wound, and make sure she got warm again.

When they reached it, she was breathing heavily, but to his concern, her breathing had gotten lighter. It was shallow and quick, and he hurried inside. Bellamy quickly put her down on one of the beds, and brushed her hair away from her face. Her eyes were closed, and her skin cold. "Clarke?" he asked, his voice breaking. "Clarke, wake up" he demanded, and he let out a relieved sigh when her eyes fluttered open. "Bellamy? Where are we?" she asked. He smiled a small smile. "we're at the dropship. You cut your leg, so I figured you couldn't walk back to camp."

Her eyes wandered down to her leg, and she furrowed her brows that way she always did when there was a medicinal problem in front of her. After a few moments she looked back up at him with a safe look. "it just needs to be cleaned and bandaged. No stitches needed." Then a blank, horrible expression darkened her face, and he knew who she was thinking of. "Clarke…" he tried to tell her that it wasn't her fault, and that she had given him a merciful death, but he knew she wouldn't listen. He wouldn't have.

She just shook her head, and turned away from him. "the cleaning alchohol is over there." She pointed in a direction, and he walked to the little cabinet. In there was a bottle with a liquid in it, and a couple of clean bandages. He went to her, and without thinking twice about it, he poured the liquid onto the wound. Clarke screamed, and he quickly grabbed her hand. It was cold and wet, and so small. The skin on it was rough from all the work they had done here on the ground, and there were tiny, white scars all over it. He wrapped the bandage tightly around the wound, and he could see that she bit her lip. When he looked closer, he could see that tears were streaming down her face. "hey, hey. Its over now." He pulled into a hug. "no its not NO IT IS NOT BELLAMY! He's gone. Finn is gone. I killed him. I took away his life, and I had no right to." He could hear the despair and agony in her voice. "its okay." Was all he could say. Because it was a horrible, horrible thing that had happened, but it was better than the alternative. Bellamy knew that. Finn had known that. But Clarke wouldn't realize it. For a moment they just sat there, Clarke, beating her fists against Bellamy's back, but he wouldn't let go. Then the frustration that he felt from not being able to convince her that it was better exploded. He let go and wrapped his hands around her face, forcing her to look at him. "Clarke, stop. What you did was better. He didn't suffer nearly as much as he would have if you had let the grounders torture him. This was the biggest favor you could have done him." his voice was urgent, and he looked straight into her green, big eyes. She stopped and sat completely still. Then she collapsed, crying, and he took her in his arms, telling her without words that he would protect her.

Suddenly she started to shake violently, and he pulled away, surprised. He could see the white in her eyes, and he realized it was chock. He didn't know a lot about diseases, but he had seen chock enough times to know it well. "Clarke. Clarke, calm down." He tried to shake her, but it didn't work. Then he did something unexpected for both of them - he kissed her. Her lips were warm and cracked from the cold air, but she did (to his surprise) kiss him back. He didn't know why he did it, he just did. Maybe it was out of panic for what was happening to her, or maybe it was simply because he liked her. Or maybe, just maybe, he was a little bit in love with her.

As they kissed, Clarke stopped shaking. Her heart beat slowed down, and she could feel herself relax.

When Bellamy pulled back, he looked her straight in the eye. "it will be okay." She nodded, but he could see that she was still broken. And it ached in his heart when he realized, he didn't know how to fix her. Time, perhaps. "Clarke. We have to go back." Again, she nodded, and they got up.

The walk back through the woods seemed like it lasted forever. Clarkes legs were heavy, and she dragged the bad leg after her. But after a while they spotted camp through the trees, and an expression of anxiety and sorrow spread across her face. She couldn't walk in, not after what had happened. Her heart felt like it was broken in two pieces, where one of the sides had died in the process. She also knew that she had to go in there. She had to apologize.

As soon as they reached the buildings, a hand smashed her against the wall, and Clarke saw stars. A strong hand was clenching her throat, and she looked up right into the dark eyes of Raven Reyes.

She spotted a surprised and angry Bellamy, about to rip away Raven, but she pushed a "no, Bellamy. Back off. " He looked at her with confusion, but she shot him a knowing glance, and he backed off.

"Raven, stop. What are you doing." Clarke said, but before the words had left her mouth, she knew the answer. "you murdered him. YOU MURDERED HIM IN COLD BLOOD YOU STONE HEARTED BITCH!" Raven screamed at her. Her eyes were shinning frantically, and suddenly Clarke realized something. Raven wasn't going to let go. Clarke was going to die. "I know. I know I did, and there is no possible way to justify what I did, so do it. Do it Raven." Clarke whispered. Unfortunately, she saw in that same second, that Bellamy had heard her, and in the second that Raven snapped her neck, Bellamy threw himself at her, but not quickly enough. The last thing Clarke Griffin saw, was the scared, dark brown eyes of Bellamy, then she was gone.

Bellamy had been surprised and confused for a second, when Raven had come flying in from the side, slamming Clarke against the wall, then he had gotten angry, and just when he was about to rip her away from Clarke, the blond spoke; "no, Bellamy. Back off." She said in a strained voice, from Ravens hand clenching her throat. He wanted so badly to help her, but he couldn't control her. Reluctantly, he backed away from the girls fight, and watched in pain as Clarkes face turned more and more red, then light shades of purple, as less and less air got to her head. Raven yelled at her that she was a murderer, and it twitched in Bellamy's fingertips to rip her away from Clarke, but he didn't. he did walk a few steps closer though, and now he could hear what Clarke was whispering to Raven. "I know. I know I did, and there is no possible way to justify what I did, so do it. Do it Raven." Her voice was broken and defeated, and the look in her eyes was so painful and hopeless, he realized what she meant. She was broken, and Raven was about to kill her. He threw himself at Raven, yelling at her, in the same second as the dark girl snapped Clarkes neck. He pushed her aside, and fell to the ground, kneeling beside Clarke. "Clarke.. Clarke wake the fuck up! Clarke, goddammit!" he yelled, but he got no answer. Her eyes were open wide, not looking at anything. She was gone. Violent sobs shook through him, as he held her hand and cried. She was dead. Behind him he could hear Raven scream. Now that she had lost some of the rage, she realized what she had done. She had killed the girl, who had been her best friend hours earlier. But Bellamy didn't care about her right now. All he could feel was the pain and the emptiness of Clarkes absence.

She had been broken by her actions, but strong enough to do it. She had been the brain, he had been the heart, and now the brain was gone. Then what was the heart supposed to do. He didn't know.

His sobs softened down to muffled cries, and he ran his hand over her hair. "no…" he whispered.

Suddenly, he needed to get up. to get away from all the people who were gathered around them.

He walked away from the scene, but before he could exit camp, he walked straight into Octavia. "Bellamy, what's in the hell is wrong?" she exclaimed. He turned around, and caught a glimpse of Clarkes body. All he could say, was "look". Then Octavia quickly ran to Clarke. A small scream escaped her lips. "what the fuck happened! Clarke, wake up!" she bended down to her only girl friend, and shook her shoulders. But of course nothing happened. Octavia let out a loud scream.


End file.
